Do you love someone because you need them, or do you need them because you love them?

In today's society, those of us who are single are either so desperately so needy for love, or so desperately prepared to be so damn independent so that we don't want or need another individual in our lives.

I'm guilty of the latter. I have built my safe place, my own kingdom with my rules and my possessions and my ideals and values. I can go wherever I want, whenever I want without "checking in" or asking permission. I can see who I want, what I want. I swing to my own beat and I don't need anything from anyone. And this day and age, let's face it, if I need something I can get it anywhere, as long as I keep my friends close or I'm willing to pay for it. I have shut out the idea of love because, right now, I have everything I need.

The beauty of not needing anything from another person is that, when you do need them in your life, it is solely because you love them. You love them for who they are, for what they bring to the table and what they dream about. It's not about what they can provide or what possessions they bring to the table. It is a deep, unforgiving love that can only be delivered when two souls touch so intimately that they appreciate that they don't need to take anything from the other, except love. And there's no doubt about it, we are all so full of love.

I fear that generations gone by, and also the younger generation, are guilty of loving someone because they need them. Friends at 15, lovers by 16, pregnant by 17 and married by 18, our grandparents generation has never known a life without their lover, their life partner. Over time they've grown and changed, but always together, as one. They have no individual identity, and don't know how to live without that dependancy on the love of their life. But it's only one life, and is it a good one if the person in your life is there because you need them? You love them, but not for the same reasons as when you first met. Not for the passion, or the excitement - it is now just because you need them. They complete you. Your ying, their yang. Your sense of balance is off if they are not around, because they are your air. It's a beautiful kind of love, but it is one based on a need; not on a spiritual connection of two souls that are just right for each and don't need any validation of their own lives.

That love is pure. It is unasking and it is unforgiving. When you break the heart of someone who needs you because they love you, you destroy their whole world. The very foundations they have built their life on are shattered, because the one thing they did need from you was love. And when love is gone, what else is there? When you don't need another person to complete your soul, you need them to complete your world. Sure, you still have a good job, an income, nice stuff and a car. You go on holidays and party with your friends. But your world is incomplete because the one thing you found in that one person to make your world complete, is gone.

Some people won't wait for the person they love and instead love someone because they need self validation. They need to know they are wanted at all costs. They settle. They settle for love that is based on an unhealthy need that is so rampant today. We are forced to believe we are not pretty enough; not thin enough; not career motivated enough; not home motivated enough; not healthy enough; not attractive enough to ever be the person that someone needs because they love them. Instead, we seek out a person that gives us the validation we need to know we are ok. We embrace that person because it feels good to be wanted. And then because we need that validation so much, we settle into believing we love them. Love based on need. My grandparents, now that's love. Flawed and unable to be reproduced but its still love. Love based on need.

When I love again I will need that person because I love them. I want for nothing in my life, but direction and happiness. I have a soul that is void of that consumer-driven desire for a better model, a newer version, a bigger TV! In its place I have loving and an inane desire to give back. So when I love, I will love. Love with everything I have. And I'll need them because I love them. The only thing I'll ever need after that is their love. Their love for me, that I would hope would be as great as mine. What a refreshing thought it is to believe that someone could love you for who you are, and that they could need you to love them, and they'd love you right back any time you need.